I'm very excited again this week to join a talented group of women bloggers in an online, unedited flash mob free write. This week, the word-prompt given to us by our fearless leader Kate Motaung (whose wonderful blog can be found at katemotaung.com) is "trust". My timer is set for 5 minutes; ready, set,
I have no trouble trusting others. In fact, I demonstrate my blind trust in individuals about whom I know absolutely nothing every single day.
Several days a week, I jump in my car and drive to the City, where I drive 60 mph busy highways, blithely trusting other drivers on the road to stay in their own lanes.
On those same days, I go to my community college job, implicitly trusting those that share the campus with me not to resort to the violence that has tragically erupted on college campuses with increasing frequency.
I trust all numbers and kinds of people. My doctors -- I have never asked for a transcript of their medical school grades. The folks at McDonalds -- despite the fact that I've read Fast Food Nation several times.
I think you get the idea. I go about the business of my life every day, blindly trusting the people I come into contact with.
As a human, I have no problem trusting other humans. But what about as a Christian. Do I have a problem trusting God?
I know I'm supposed to trust Him. Stories illustrating that point fill the Bible. Remember Abraham? God told Abraham to trust him and to obey him, even to the point of sacrificing his beloved son Isaac. Abraham trusted God to the point of raising the knife over his son to plunge it into his body. We all know how that story ends (if not, you can find it in Genesis 22).
Of course, I can't forget the story of Moses leading the Israelites out Egypt (Exodus 14). The parting of the Red Sea? If that doesn't illustrate that I'm to trust God, I don't know what does.
Yes, the Bible is filled with accounts that prove God can be trusted.
And I've been raised in the church. I even attended parochial school; for 9 years, I began every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday morning with 30 minutes of Bible study and every Wednesday with chapel. I attended Sunday School and church faithfully.
I know I'm supposed to trust God.
Yet for the vast majority of my life here on earth, I have done exactly the opposite. I've prayed the right prayers, said the right words, but then I've gone on about my business, making decisions as I see fit and as they fit my plans because I know my plans are the right ones.
But I've realized lately that I still haven't fully put my trust in him. I'm at a crossroads in my life, and I'm finding that as I make decisions, I am still holding back from trusting God without reservation.
What if He calls me to leave where I currently live? What if God sends me to Alaska? Not only is it far away from where my daughter lives and from where my son will be living as of next summer, but it's cold there, and God knows (literally) that I do not like Winter!
What if God calls me to work with people I'd really rather avoid? You know what I mean. People who are dirty and smell. Or people who . . .
Oh my, my timer is about to ding and tell me my time is up.
Trust. God tells me time and again to trust Him. To follow Him.
Whenever. Whatever. Wherever. However.
I've come to learn -- finally -- that the key to trusting Him is, for me at least, doing so one day, one hour, even one minute at a time. I can't look ahead and ask "what if".
Simple, isn't it?
Simple, but not easy. At least not for me. Not yet.
I'm a work in progress.