Friday, January 8, 2016

Being First (Five Minute Friday)

I'm very excited again this week to join a talented group of women bloggers in an online, unedited flash mob free write. This week, the word-prompt given to us by our fearless leader Kate Motaung (whose wonderful blog can be found at katemotaung.com) is "first". My timer is set for 5 minutes; ready, set,

"See ye first the kingdom of God" comes to mind, as well as the phrase "put first things first"; of course, for Christians, the two are linked, maybe even the same.

My mind flits to the idea, the one we're all so familiar with, that it's so hard sometimes to really put first what should be put first. So many fires need to be put out, so many things demand our attention, we live on autopilot so often . . . we don't have time to stop and "put" anything anywhere.

But lurking below those thoughts, those very "right" and virtuous sentiments, there lies a much less noble one. It's one I imagine flits across the minds of many people from time to time . . . maybe even pretty frequently.

We don't say it out loud. Heck, I'm even a bit embarrassed to acknowledge it to myself, and here I am, about to share it with anyone who stops by and reads this entry.

Sometimes I long to be first in someone's life again.

Now before you consider writing a gentle comment reminding me that I am cherished by God, let me assure you that I know that. But sometimes, human that I am, I want to be first to another human

I used to be first. For much of my life, I was first or tied for first.

As a child, I felt like I was tied for first with my sister.

As a new bride, I felt like was first with my husband.

When my children were small, I was tied for first with their father.

Being first is really nice. The people to whom you are first spend as much time as possible with you, they express their love with hugs and kisses and snuggles on the couch, they take care of you when you're sick, they make an effort to be a part of your life. They come to you for advice because they admire and respect and love you.

I'm not first anymore. My children are grown and have appropriate "firsts", and that is as it should be.

So, selfish as it sounds, I try to treat myself as a first. I treat myself to a manicure or a big bowl of hot buttered popcorn and a movie, for example. Don't tell my kids, but for New Years' Eve, I bought a box of Ding Dongs. I hadn't had one in several years, but I not only bought a box, but I ate 3 of them in one day!

Will I ever be first to someone here on earth again? I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. But I'm not going to worry about that. Instead

Well, time's up!

4 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing so candidly, Patti. I think it's a desire many of us share, whether we're willing to admit it or not. The fact that you recognise it in yourself shows maturity. I'd love to know what was coming after that "instead" when your timer went off. ;-) So glad you wrote and linked up with us for Five Minute Friday. Blessings on your weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words. I switched over to my prayer journal when the timer dinged, and here's what I wrote (switched from reflection per se to a prayer request): "Instead, Lord" help me to sink into the times of solitude that You give me. Let me use that time to reflect on You, to turn to You, and to do what You would have me do."

    ReplyDelete
  3. We started out very similarly with various thoughts that came with the idea of first.
    I resonate with the idea of being first to someone. It is wonderful to be treasured. Treasuring yourself is something I am learning to grow in doing--not in an "I'm the only one who matters" kind of way, but more of an "I matter."
    Taking time to do things because they are special to you is, I am learning, healthy. I am finding that it helps me to put myself in "second" or "last" without feeling a bit out of place.

    I'm glad to be your neighbor at FMF

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with you -- there's a healthy and an unhealthy way to be "first". Great point!! A dear friend decided to focus in 2016 on herself in the sense of 3 priorities: #1 -- spiritual health, with physical and emotional health tied for 2nd. As a result, she has given up the internet for a year. At work,she has blocked everything but what she needs for her job, and she got rid of her laptop and smart phone. She made a list of things she wanted to do "for herself" in the time she used to fritter away online -- Bible study, devotional time, volunteering at a local animal shelter, taking piano lessons, etc. She said that in just the past 11 days she has felt like her old, energetic, loving life self again. Very tempting!

    ReplyDelete