Friday, March 1, 2019

Search (FMF)

I'm very excited to again this week join a talented group of women who connect each Friday in an online, unedited (so excuse all errors) flash mob free-write based on a one-word prompt from our fearless leader Kate Motaung. My timer is set for 5 minutes; let's see where the word "search" takes me.


I spent much of my early life searching . . .

     for friends, love, acceptance, my role in life, meaningful work, happiness . . . 
  
          the list is endless, actually.

I searched in anticipation, with wild abandon at times, and almost always in joy of what might be.

I found so much . . . 

      my husband and children, wonderful friends, a nice job, a sense of purpose . . . 

           the list is endless and my life and heart  were full.

And then, in the space of three years, I lost two "things" that had been answers to some of that searching. Both losses created huge wholes in my life, in who I thought I was. 

I began to search anew.

It was a harder search. I was no longer young, and the search was more taxing. No longer was I searching in anticipation, with wild abandon, or in joy.

I searched in a fog of grief over what I had lost . . . in fear of what I might find.

I searched outside myself and within.

My search has led me . . . 

     to new places, both physically and emotionally . . . 

          to new jobs, with new experiences and new people and new growth . . .

               to new people . . . new friends . . . new mentors . . . new inspirations . . . new challengers

Most importantly, my search has caused me to explore  myself in ways I hadn't done since I was a teenager. 

I've explored my values, my priorities, my hopes and dreams.

Is my search over? Oh, I hope not.

Because now, once again, I search in anticipation, in joy, in wild abandon.






Are you searching? What do you seek? Where do you look? Please share your own thoughts via a comment. 





3 comments:

  1. Love the honesty and courage of this post, Patti. Great job!

    And...you inspired a poem.

    Our search is never over
    while we have the will to stand
    to seek the four-leaf clover,
    to reach to take God's hand.
    The far horizon beckons
    us, and we set out on the trail
    and one day we may reckon
    true, that we pursue the Grail.
    Everything we dream of
    is bound tight to this chalice
    all the honour, all the love
    and God's eternal palace.
    In staying true to this glorious quest,
    we find the hardest road is best.

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  2. Another poem! I love it -- absolutely love it, Andrew!! It is beautiful and so full of truth. You honor me and humble me yet again. And yes, you move me to tears, and my kids will tell you I'm not a "crier". :)

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  3. There is always something new, around the bend - keeping searching!! Just coming back to say hello - your neighbor in fmf!

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