Thursday, April 18, 2019

The Next Step (FMF)

I'm very excited to again this week join a talented group of women who connect each Friday in an online, unedited (so excuse all errors) flash mob free-write based on a one-word prompt from our fearless leader Kate Motaung. My timer is set for 5 minutes; let's see where the word "next" takes me.


Just when things have begun settling down a bit in my life, just when a couple of previously- difficult situations have changed for the better, just when I'm starting to feel like I'm moving in the right direction, life has thrown me a curve ball.

A big one. One that is, in many ways, absolutely-wonderful!

But there's a catch. This delightful, unexpected situation requires a decision on my part. And like the curveball itself, that decision is major. 

I used to be a pretty confident decision-maker. Not anymore.

I've discussed this here before. Perhaps my decision-making confidence is weaker now that I have nobody with whom to share ideas and the responsibility of the decision. Perhaps I struggle because, with age and experience, I realize for more than before the far-reaching consequences of the decisions I make. Or maybe now that I'm older and more battle-weary, I'm not as fearless as I used to be. Of course, the wide array of options available to me as a retired woman living on her own can be overwhelming. 

Whatever the reason(s), I'm going to need to decide -- and soon -- what my next step will be. 

Not for the first time these past nearly-10 years, I wish I could abdicate responsibility. I wish I could go back in time and put on my pajamas, brush my teeth, and go to bed, content in the knowledge that while I was drifting off to sleep, my parents would discuss the situation and make the decision for me.

But that isn't an option. 

I've prayed. I've jotted down my options. I've journalled. I've prayed even more. I've jotted down my options yet again and put little plusses and minuses next to each one.

Yet I'm no closer to a decision than I was when the curveball first came my way.

As a result, I'm stressed, impatient with myself and the world, and more than a little cranky.

It's time to put on my pajamas, brush my teeth, and go to bed. The decision won't be made for me while I sleep, but maybe, just maybe 

There went the buzzer. Time's up. If you're so inclined, I ask that you pray for me as I make this decision. Please understand that I cannot share any details yet. I'd also love to hear about your experience in making a major decision. 




















20 comments:

  1. I am praying for you, Patti.

    I never had the reassurance
    of a wise and trusted Head.
    I had to learn endurance
    and trust myself instead.
    I learned of speaking with the fist
    and always stood my ground;
    with a gun I never missed
    nor needed a second round.
    Being thus so in control
    makes crying 'Abba' tough,
    and prayer did seem folderol;
    of that I'd had enough!
    But standing now upon the brink,
    this all might need another think.

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    1. Oh how I appreciate your prayers, Andrew! And thank you for taking the time to stop by and share your thoughts. Praying you will have a very blessed Easter, my friend!

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  2. I'm in a similar position with a big change, which is simultaneously exciting and terrifying and would have a major impact on my life and my family's. And I can't talk about it publicly either.
    I am trying to take it one step at a time. An opportunity has arisen that may be for me so I am praying, taking advice from key people, and pushing the doors to see if they open. The first one has - it remains to be seen if the rest will.
    I am still anxious and impatient (but my husband says that's just proof that this does matter to me) but I am trying to prepare myself whilst trusting the leading to God. It's not easy!
    I will pray that You hear clearly His voice saying ''This is the way - walk in it.'
    Love and God bless you both

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    1. It sounds like you have wise counsel and a great plan, and I'll be praying that you will feel less anxious as you move forward. Thank you for praying for me, and please know that I'll be praying for you as well!

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  3. Praying for you in your decision, and I relate to a lot of the feelings you share. I'm in a place of seeking God too and trying to find the right way forward in something that may not seem like a major decision, but which could have the potential to lead on to something much bigger. I'm grateful that God promises to give us wisdom when we seek him. Praying that you'll know him directing your steps. Visiting from FMF #4.

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    1. Lesley, I'll be praying for you as well, and I hope you'll keep me posted on how things turn out for you. I appreciate your stopping by and your prayers!!

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  4. Patti, praying for you as you make your decision. Today the word prompt brought me to Matthew 6 and peace. As we pray, our Lord reminds us that He is in each day, each moment. He brings to us exactly what we need for the day, and I am so grateful this includes wisdom in making decisions. Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and for taking the time to share that with me!!

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  5. I hope and pray your decision-making process leads to peace and confirmation, Patti.

    Jeannie (#14 in the linkup this week)

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and for your encouragement and prayers, Jeannie.

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  6. Sometimes the best thing to do is brush your teeth and go to sleep. :) Because you will wake up refreshed the next morning with a clear mind ready to make a wise decision. Besides, your heavenly Father knows the answer, and He will guide you, so you need not worry. Trust Him. Seek godly counsel. I'm not in your position, but I have been, and I will pray for you. --Your FMF neighbor #16

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing the great advice, Abigail! I also truly appreciate your prayers.

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  7. Praying God gives your just the wisdom needed to make your decision and then peace once it is made! Visiting from FMF - Happy Easter!!

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by and for your encouragement, Jennifer! Blessed Easter to you and your family as well :)

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  8. I was there before, and in a way I still am. While I wait for my next step to come to fruition, other things fill the gap and tend to become part of that path. Everything that had/has been done to prepare for it, will always be there. It's the dotted line I'm to sign that holds me back. I've added you to my prayer list.

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    1. Thank you for praying for me, Elizabeth! I've added you to my prayer list as well, and I hope you'll keep me posted. I know how daunting that dotted line can be!

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  9. Some of life's biggest decisions aren't really decisions at all. Take, for instance, health concerns. Sometimes or rather often, there's only one logical option to choose. I hope this is not a health concern, but if it is just consider the outcome. Will your quality of life improve? I am old enough to have had to make or help make decisions for my 2 parents and my husband's 2 parents, and sometimes a decision that is a personal one can have some light shed on it by asking the following question: What would I do if I were advising my mother in this instance?

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    1. Fortunately, it isn't a health concern, or really a concern at all. Just a choice, a decision to be made. :)

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